Balancing Acts

This is the worst part about crossdressing.
On the 14th of June, it will be 4 weeks since I last got pretty. I checked my flickR - the 14th of may was my last upload. And it was also the date of my 'call to arms' blog piece which isn't going very well either... But that's really another matter.
My body hair is longer than it's been in some time and all my brain can think of when I have a spare hour is, 
"Should I get dressed?"

But for an hour? What's the point really? My makeup takes longer than that!

"But why not dress without makeup?"

Really? I must say brain, you don't know me very well do you?
These urges are powerful, more so than I, or my brain ever reckoned with. 
[I believe this is commonly referred to as the 'Pink Fog'.]
 Everything triggers the thoughts of dressing up. Walking past clothes shops, seeing a well dressed female in the street (wanting to wear what they are), makeup adverts on telly, the smell of perfume left behind in a corridor when you're walking 10 feet behind a girl who's wearing 'too much' -which too me is 'just enough' :). 
[The pink fog sets in thick and fast and doesn't disperse until I've dressed for a sufficient period of time.  Fortunately, I haven't spent any money during this one.]

See this is the hardest thing about CDing for me.
Striking the balance.

It's all very well and good to decide to pour all of your time and energy into perfecting your femme appearance. But at what cost?
Personally, and I do not say this to brag, but I have a life.
Granted, not much of one with the crazy hours I work, but none-the-less I have a fiance,  friends and family who I like to visit with my Mrs. All of whom I would miss and would miss me if all I did was dress like a girl all the time.

In case I've lost you, my personal perception of balance is;
 - I shave my upper body, so my boobs and underarms aren't hairy in a revealing top. But I don't shave my legs because summer demands shorts, and I just don't want the questioning that comes with being a 31 year old man with silky smooth legs.
And I don't cycle or swim :D

That's a personal one, one of balance of appearance, and you may have your own examples of personal 'balance issues', leave me a comment below about yours if you don't mind sharing. I always try to reply to any comments or questions, so don't be shy.

Moving away from personal balance issues, in my world view, there are 3 major universal balance issues that the average duality bound CDer will face.
Time, energy and money.

To me time and energy are linked because the more time elapses, the more energy is expended just by being awake. Because of this I will discuss them as if they are basically the same.
For me, unsocial hours and a full working week which leaves me 2 full days to myself is a killer. 2 days sounds great but if I am needed to be around as my guy self, then there are obstacles. As I said, I have a fiance, my family, friends and other commitments that require percentages of my time. That can easily take up 3 days, never mind 2.
So fitting in time when I have nothing else to do is a hit and miss affair.
Then there's the time and energy spent in learning how to  use makeup or put an outfit together. Then theres the time spent on taping a good tuck or cleavage or both, applying the make up, lashes, nails, clothes, jewelery, wig, perfume. Remembering how to walk in heels (made more difficult by periods without dressing), relearning how to type with long nails.
On average, it takes me 2 or 2.5 hours to get myself to a standard I deem acceptable.
I only ever dress when I can make myself photo-ready, and this takes a lot of time.
Then the time spent en-femme. There is no way in hell I spend that much time on getting ready to enjoy 20 minutes dressed. So I dress for the whole damn day, and when possible, the night too. The longer the better. But that's not always possible.
Because life needs balance, if I did this every time I had a day to myself, my life would fall apart. Because a day spent dressing up at home is a day that I haven't spent with a loved one (Barring the 4 people who know about Samantha).
Time spent dressing is time not spent at a party, a day at the beach, a trip to a friends house, doing the gardening, getting the groceries or any of the other random stuff I do day to day.
I get 2 days a week to do with as I please. There are only so many hours to make use of, so how do you keep the 2 sides of your gender satisfied?

Money.
You love it when you have it and hate it when you don't.
It doesn't buy happiness but it can sure pay the rent.
All of this you know, but the money factor goes further than the basic need to buy 2 wardrobes, and it makes money and time intrinsically linked.
I mean sure, you do  need to buy clothing for 2 people, one of them adores clothes, shoes, jewelery, fragrances, makeup and all the trappings that are primarily CD exclusive, wigs, forms, shape-wear, medical tape ;)
The other person likes a t-shirt and jeans with chunky skate shoes.
Who do you think will get the most money spent on them?
But it can't go totally one sided, people would begin to notice your decline in appearance.
So you have to balance that one out.
Even if the man wins and get that awesome Minecraft t-shirt, you know full well the girl will want the same design in the women's cut shirt.
Literally buying for two.
Then there are times of power struggle. The man wants that awesome new AIO Liquid cooler for his gaming PC, but the girl wants that cute bodycon dress and some new heels to match.
How do you sort this one out? - Pray to god your mind isn't in the pink fog when you need to decide.
Okay, so you need money to crossdress.
But what about lots of money. I'm talking Bill Gates rich.
You don't need to work anymore, AND you have more cash than you can actually spend.
Suddenly you don't have the problem with time balance anymore because you have all the time in the world.
You can buy whatever expensive clothes, high quality makeup, designer shoes, realistic breast forms etc you want.
You can buy the most bad-ass gaming PC, awesome cars, boutique music equipment.
But then how do you split your time up?
Would it even matter to you at this point?
You can go where-ever you like, and be whoever you want.
...Up to a point, because you still have your life to work out. You have people who need you and care about you.

Does this mean the real work is balancing people and not resources?


Let me hear what you think in the comments below, and don't forget to follow me!

Love ya lots
Samantha xxx