Crossdress every day for a year, for £1,000,000?

You might thing the answer to this would be straight forward...

Okay, a little back story for you.
A forum which I frequent recently held a topic "Would you crossdress for a year for $1,000,000",
and to a great many CDs, this seems like a dream.
Many responses to the post were "In a heartbeat" and "Where do I sign up".
But then I got thinking seriously, as I often do, about things that will never happen no matter how much I would like them to.

After a long old think about the matter, it turns out I seem to have a few reservations.
Firstly, how and when is the money paid?
Do I get it in one lump sum at the end of the year, or will it be split up into equal payments?
Or even do I get 50k to start up and then get the rest at the end of the year period?
Why so many questions about the money?
Well, let's be frank about things, there is no way in hell I could work my job crossdressed.
It just would not work, hence I would have too quit, not to worry though, I'm getting a cool mil. in one year. But what am I going to do for money for a whole year? I would need a wage for a year to pay the bills and keep living, but I would also need to but a complete wardrobe for Samantha.
Don't get me wrong, I have clothes, but not enough to get me through a year and changes of season, fashion and preference. And clothes are only half the story, there's makeup, breast forms, medical tape (for the tuck), wigs, shoes (which I've previously established - aren't cheap in my size) and accessories, then all the random crap Ive never had to buy before like a purse, handbag, coats, a brolly, sleepwear and probably a cute case for my phone.
 
You would think this money issue might just be about start up, but think about this for a minute.
You're crossdressing every day for a year. What problems can you predict just thinking about this?
Nope?
No guesses?
Nobody wants to have a stab at this?
Okay, well I don't know about you lot, but there is no way in hell that my skin could survive a daily all-over shave. Even if I could cope with the pain and irritation, my skin would soon be a mass of red, blotchy, bleeding hair follicles, and I could not cope with that. Not when I'm trying to pass for a girl all year, I'm not sure that bleeding stubble burn works with a teal lace body-con dress.
I would need laser, no questions about it, I would need it. Just to survive the year without developing scars everywhere. 
Then there's the other stuff that I haven't been privileged to on my CD journey yet, going for a manicure, because glue on nails only last for so long, but acrylics are near bullet proof!
Also, I can't laser my whole body for a reasonable price, so there would be waxing to contend with also. I'd need my ears piercing because clip-on ear rings are really only tolerable for one day, multiple days consecutively would be torture akin to an all over close shave on a daily basis.

Okay, well that's all sorted.
Ive got a year's wage plus start up money, I've taken care of all the necessities, I'm ready to do this for a year and bag myself a cool million pounds....

Not so fast Samantha, you can't hide from everyone for a whole year, you still have a fiance, your family and friends. Are they cool with this?



Oh, yeah, almost forgot about that.

Okay firstly, the Mrs. While I haven't asked her if I can dress for a year for a million quid (because I'm not actually being given such a chance), it would go one of two ways.
-The Blue Pill - The story ends. She hates the idea of not having her man around for a year, the jig is up and we continue as we are doing right now.
Or
-The red pill - We stay in Wonderland and explore how deep the rabbit hole goes. 
Her money grubbing kicks in and she knows that this will set us up for life. Buy a house, settle all our debts, only have to work part time, invest most of the money and ride that interest and take early retirement and enjoy the rest of life.

As for my friends and extended family. Well, I guess it's the perfect reason to just come out.
Only my fiance and a handful of female friends know about Samantha.
And while coming out to everyone has often been thought about, it's never needed to happen.
But now I'm living CD for 365 days, so I guess it's time to find out who is really my friend, find out who really loves me. There may be a few people I never see again, but to be fair, it would hardly be a loss to know that the people who remain will likely be around me forever.
Just as long as I don't mention that I'll be getting a million quid for it, because they might just turn out to be leaches, and I'd rather have nobody in my life than 3 dozen cash whores.
So there you have it, the perfect reason to come out, to live forever free of worry and lies.

Right, so that settles it, you're going to present as a girl for a whole year with no cheating and taking a day off?

Well, there is just one thing actually...
Dressing like and making yourself look something like a woman is hard work.
Not as easy as throwing your clothes on, brush your teeth and out the door, there is an entire routine required in getting ready, even just to go to Asda.
There is undeniably a huge amount of pressure on women to look their best at all times, and I couldn't skip the makeup because I just don't have the skin for it, I'm just not that lucky.
If I am presenting to the world as a girl, I would have to be giving 100% of my effort to passing or blending in. At 6'6" a challenge greater than most CD's would face.
Eventually, with or without makeup, I'm going to get read. I'm going to get double takes in shops, I'm going to get abuse yelled at me from passing cars, I may even be assaulted or worse.
Intolerance is, unfortunately, alive and well. While getting out would be flying the flag for CD's everywhere, raising awareness and hopefully changing views and opinions, it would also be fraught with dangers.

But you know what, all of this sound's a lot easier when you dangle that £1,000,000 carrot in front of the CD mule.
I know non-CDing males who would accept the challenge!

What do you guys think?
Swap your presenting gender for a year for £1,000,000?

I would do all of that in a fraction of a heartbeat!

Let me know what you think in the comments below, and don't forget to hit that follow button xxx

Finally - Release

I didn't like that one bit.

Its been exactly 1 month and 5 days since Samantha came out to strut her stuff.  

But this is without doubt the best I've felt while dressed in a good while.
This is not to say that it's always mundane, quite the contrary, otherwise would I really spend 2 hours on makeup to just sit around the house and talk to people online?
Me thinks not.

However today, just seems like, extra special or something, like it's an occasion to be savored - and I'm savoring it.
I finally got rid of all that disgusting body hair stubble that's been plaguing me for weeks.
I could have shaved it before now, but, I dunno, there's something about it that just helps to get the femme feelings into gear.
I took some pics of myself in a dress I got from Matalan in the January sales, but just neve got round to picture taking until today. I really like it, kind of office-wear, but still kinda glam, what to you think? 

 

I used a time-lapse/continuous shot app on my phone, there's more images on my flickr

I also started up a Pintrest account. I seriously can not believe I overlooked this for so long!
Its awesome, its like having all your browser bookmarks for individual items on the web, but with pictures :D
I love it, so far its all shoes, nails and eye makeup, but It's my first day.
Feel free to add me and suggest some cool stuff - large size heels, dresses, wigs, makeup, nails, tutorials, you name it, if it's not links to porn or sex toys I'll probably give it the once over.

But that's it really, Ive just been sat here again, all dressed up an nowhere to go, as my good friends Jen said to me.
I'm not sure if it's the time away or just feeling that I'm long overdue, but I'm dying to get out for a night out as Samantha. Maybe hit Canal Street, or take a trip down to Pink Punters?
Either way, I gotta get out of this house, I need to feel like I'm not a freak, I need a wider acceptance today. Again, I really have no idea where this is coming from. The start of a foggy patch?
Not too sure yet.

One thing is sure though...
I'm back!

If you don't want to miss me next time - hit that follow button!
xxx

Balancing Acts

This is the worst part about crossdressing.
On the 14th of June, it will be 4 weeks since I last got pretty. I checked my flickR - the 14th of may was my last upload. And it was also the date of my 'call to arms' blog piece which isn't going very well either... But that's really another matter.
My body hair is longer than it's been in some time and all my brain can think of when I have a spare hour is, 
"Should I get dressed?"

But for an hour? What's the point really? My makeup takes longer than that!

"But why not dress without makeup?"

Really? I must say brain, you don't know me very well do you?
These urges are powerful, more so than I, or my brain ever reckoned with. 
[I believe this is commonly referred to as the 'Pink Fog'.]
 Everything triggers the thoughts of dressing up. Walking past clothes shops, seeing a well dressed female in the street (wanting to wear what they are), makeup adverts on telly, the smell of perfume left behind in a corridor when you're walking 10 feet behind a girl who's wearing 'too much' -which too me is 'just enough' :). 
[The pink fog sets in thick and fast and doesn't disperse until I've dressed for a sufficient period of time.  Fortunately, I haven't spent any money during this one.]

See this is the hardest thing about CDing for me.
Striking the balance.

It's all very well and good to decide to pour all of your time and energy into perfecting your femme appearance. But at what cost?
Personally, and I do not say this to brag, but I have a life.
Granted, not much of one with the crazy hours I work, but none-the-less I have a fiance,  friends and family who I like to visit with my Mrs. All of whom I would miss and would miss me if all I did was dress like a girl all the time.

In case I've lost you, my personal perception of balance is;
 - I shave my upper body, so my boobs and underarms aren't hairy in a revealing top. But I don't shave my legs because summer demands shorts, and I just don't want the questioning that comes with being a 31 year old man with silky smooth legs.
And I don't cycle or swim :D

That's a personal one, one of balance of appearance, and you may have your own examples of personal 'balance issues', leave me a comment below about yours if you don't mind sharing. I always try to reply to any comments or questions, so don't be shy.

Moving away from personal balance issues, in my world view, there are 3 major universal balance issues that the average duality bound CDer will face.
Time, energy and money.

To me time and energy are linked because the more time elapses, the more energy is expended just by being awake. Because of this I will discuss them as if they are basically the same.
For me, unsocial hours and a full working week which leaves me 2 full days to myself is a killer. 2 days sounds great but if I am needed to be around as my guy self, then there are obstacles. As I said, I have a fiance, my family, friends and other commitments that require percentages of my time. That can easily take up 3 days, never mind 2.
So fitting in time when I have nothing else to do is a hit and miss affair.
Then there's the time and energy spent in learning how to  use makeup or put an outfit together. Then theres the time spent on taping a good tuck or cleavage or both, applying the make up, lashes, nails, clothes, jewelery, wig, perfume. Remembering how to walk in heels (made more difficult by periods without dressing), relearning how to type with long nails.
On average, it takes me 2 or 2.5 hours to get myself to a standard I deem acceptable.
I only ever dress when I can make myself photo-ready, and this takes a lot of time.
Then the time spent en-femme. There is no way in hell I spend that much time on getting ready to enjoy 20 minutes dressed. So I dress for the whole damn day, and when possible, the night too. The longer the better. But that's not always possible.
Because life needs balance, if I did this every time I had a day to myself, my life would fall apart. Because a day spent dressing up at home is a day that I haven't spent with a loved one (Barring the 4 people who know about Samantha).
Time spent dressing is time not spent at a party, a day at the beach, a trip to a friends house, doing the gardening, getting the groceries or any of the other random stuff I do day to day.
I get 2 days a week to do with as I please. There are only so many hours to make use of, so how do you keep the 2 sides of your gender satisfied?

Money.
You love it when you have it and hate it when you don't.
It doesn't buy happiness but it can sure pay the rent.
All of this you know, but the money factor goes further than the basic need to buy 2 wardrobes, and it makes money and time intrinsically linked.
I mean sure, you do  need to buy clothing for 2 people, one of them adores clothes, shoes, jewelery, fragrances, makeup and all the trappings that are primarily CD exclusive, wigs, forms, shape-wear, medical tape ;)
The other person likes a t-shirt and jeans with chunky skate shoes.
Who do you think will get the most money spent on them?
But it can't go totally one sided, people would begin to notice your decline in appearance.
So you have to balance that one out.
Even if the man wins and get that awesome Minecraft t-shirt, you know full well the girl will want the same design in the women's cut shirt.
Literally buying for two.
Then there are times of power struggle. The man wants that awesome new AIO Liquid cooler for his gaming PC, but the girl wants that cute bodycon dress and some new heels to match.
How do you sort this one out? - Pray to god your mind isn't in the pink fog when you need to decide.
Okay, so you need money to crossdress.
But what about lots of money. I'm talking Bill Gates rich.
You don't need to work anymore, AND you have more cash than you can actually spend.
Suddenly you don't have the problem with time balance anymore because you have all the time in the world.
You can buy whatever expensive clothes, high quality makeup, designer shoes, realistic breast forms etc you want.
You can buy the most bad-ass gaming PC, awesome cars, boutique music equipment.
But then how do you split your time up?
Would it even matter to you at this point?
You can go where-ever you like, and be whoever you want.
...Up to a point, because you still have your life to work out. You have people who need you and care about you.

Does this mean the real work is balancing people and not resources?


Let me hear what you think in the comments below, and don't forget to follow me!

Love ya lots
Samantha xxx