Nailed it!

In a bid to save myself time in repeating the same thing to everyone, and possibly forever mark myself as vain and narcissistic, I present to you today my number 1 tip that will save you time like you time spent getting ready like never before.

We all love nails don't we? I mean pretty painted ones on your fingers, not the ones you hit with a hammer.
(Yes, I occasionally hit my thumb nail with a hammer, but that's a different blog.)
If you answered no to this question, please leave, the following does not concern you.

I get asked/commented on, on a fairly regular basis across various support forums and networking sites, about my nails. These days, when I'm prettied up, you will only ever see me with long colourful finger nails.
To cut and paint a fresh set of false nails every time I dress would be both time consuming and ultimately expensive. [...ain't nobody got time for that...]
So today I will share with you all, the best way for all you CDs, TVs and hell, even the TS girls and genetic girls could take something away from this. Why not? Long nails for every day use are impractical, 30 years living with short nails has taught me that much. 

Any ways....
It's not difficult to sort this out for yourself, but you will have to pick up a few items.
1- Some blank false nails and glue. Packs of 500 nails in 10 sizes are available on ebay for less than the cost of a round of drinks. They're long, so you may need to cut and file them to suit your style, but for that price, I cant complain, and it lasts me over a year because they are re-usable - more on that further along.
You will need to work out which sizes fit your finger's width best and write it down. If you can get away with a different size for each finger, you will ultimately get more full sets of nails from each pack.
Any that you don't use  - Just throw them away, you won't be needing them.
 As for the glue, you want cyanoacrylate glue for nails. I like the type that comes in a bottle with a brush like nail varnish so you can get a nice even coat of glue over your own nail before application of your falsie.

2 - A compartmented hobby box. You know the ones, you see them everywhere - dirt cheap, dead useful.
You will need at least 10 compartments in the box, extra ones are useful though.
For example, here is my one

As you can see, I have a compartment for each size of uncut, unpainted nail - Note how I have written my nail sizes on each compartment, this way when I order the same nails in future, I can just pop the right sizes into there places - no need to size up again ;)
I also have the compartments along the bottom for cut and painted nails. (T denotes thumb, I denotes index, M is middle, R is ring and L is little fingers respectively). 

Here's just a few of the thumb nails I made earlier.

I also re-use eyelashes. Trust me, this will not harm you in any way with eye infections unless you're handling your lashes with poop on your hands, and if this is the case, you have more problems than an eye infection. 
There is space at top right for my nail glues. 
Bottom right is where I keep my lash glues and nail off cuts - When you're doing your nails sat in front of the telly, you will get why I do this - it's just easier. 
And finally at the top is space for nail files, some tweezers for lash application and a micro screwdriver... more on the screwdriver later.

Okay so you're organised and you have got a blank set of nails out, cut and filed to your liking.

 "So I just glue them on and paint, right?"

Well, you could do that, but then what? Sit around waiting for them to dry? Get varnish all over your skin on your right fingers because nobody can paint with their left hand? (I'm talking to the right-handers - obv.)
Risk messing up the finish because few people are ambidextrous?

How about this?

It's my super-duper nail painting thingy board (Patent Pending LOL).
Dead easy to make. Some corrugated card board, tape, 10 plastic top thumb tacks, some blu-tac and some of your nail glue.
Fold up the card into about 3 layers, tape it together. Take your pins and apply glue to the pin itself and the plastic hilt and push it into the card and allow the glue to set.
Apply a little blob of blu-tac to each pin and you have a perfect stand to paint your nails up on.
(You can see I labelled the pins by nail size and finger for added certainty, I forget everything that isn't written down.)

Once painted, give them a few hours to dry fully before pressing them down onto your fingers - you might leave finger print marks in the varnish as it stays soft for a good few hours. I personally leave them on the pins for an hour or two, then carefully take them off, lay them out and let them dry overnight to be certain. Once one set is off the pin board I can start painting another and repeat this process. (I've painted 4 sets in one session before, but that was only to get me started with a choice of colours. Once you have a few choices, you'll only ever have to paint one or two sets at a time.)

Now you can stick em to your nails.
And they will be perfect because you didn't have to use your left hand and you didn't get any on your skin - less clean up. This pin board is also good if you want to have a crack at some nail art for yourself, gives you plenty of room for errors and you won't be stuck with them on your fingers if it goes wrong :p

Now, as I said earlier, these false nails are re-usable for as long as the false nail does not crack or break.
And here is where the screw driver comes in.

Now I'm well aware that the following passage may portray me to be some kind of brutalist who jabs screwdrivers into their nails for fun.... If you do not follow my advice with care and a steady hand.
If you don't mind only using a set of nails once, then go ahead and bathe your fingers in acetone and slowly wiggle the falsies off. Then throw the gorgeous result of your hard work away.

The screwdriver was first brought in on an occasion where acetone had failed me.
It worked so well that I stopped bothering with chemicals, and I also found that I could re-use the nails.
It needs to be a small screwdriver, flat head, 3-4mm in width.
Starting at the cuticle, slide the screwdriver just under the false nail, then stop and remove the screwdriver. You should not have to force the screwdriver, if you do, find another point on your nail where you can make the first push. Move along the cuticle and repeat, all the way along one side of the nail, then the other side.
The nail should now be loosening, it may have even come off (I find this happens sooner on smaller nails).
If the nail is not yet loose, repeat the process but push the screwdriver under the false nail, just a little further and continue.
Patience and a steady hand are the key here. If you try to rush, you will cause yourself - at least - some pain, at worst - a torn nail bed or screwdriver through your finger tip.

Once the nails are off, excess glue on your own nails can be removed with acetone, scraped off with scissors, or will eventually just chip away. I prefer scissors just to make my nail surface smooth again.

And there you have it.

Oh and this is how I do it. 
It works for me on a regular basis. 
I am not forcing you at gunpoint to do this to yourself.
If you fuck this up, then you have no legal recourse because you're doing it at your own risk (however little the risk). I am not to blame for your incompetence.
Take your time, be careful on removal and get creative with those nails!!

Any questions about things I've mentioned can be asked below and I will answer you ASAP and amend the blog if necessary.
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Love ya lots x